Sorry to nitpick but this image doesn't work for me in color at all. Right now aside from overall softness and missing the focus on the eyes, the color and size of the hair extensions remind me of a buffalo and the very distracting yellow flowers are where the horns go. Maybe in BW one wont be as distracted by her accessories and one can focus more on the light and her beauty easier, but unfortunately in this case you'd probably notice the oof eyes even more.
Just my 2¢.
I appreciate all analysis, especially those I can learn from. However, her eyes are dead on focused (as much as they both can be using a 70-200 at large aperture and 180mm+ mm and shooting the eyes at an angle anyway). Although I make lots of mistakes, eye focus isn't one of them. The overall softness was by design. Your comments on her attire are perfectly legitimate, as I see the same thing. This outfit is one of her performing outfits (She's a dancer). Appreciate your taking the time to critique, and you're not nitpicking at all. I take your critique to be honest and at least somewhat correct.