I see the concept well enough. It's a creative idea. But the photograph "of that idea" isn't delivering much punch. It might be simply too obvious. I don't think it's a technical problem with the photograph, it is photographed well enough. If you still like the idea, PURSUE IT. Which mean, find another way to present this idea with a photograph. Try something else.
There's always this conflict: What your mind imagines the photograph will look like vs. what actually comes out on the photograph. When it doesn't work, think about why, adjust your plan, and re-photograph it.