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Author Topic: World Economics Fully Explained At Last  (Read 6449 times)
nemo295
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« on: June 12, 2013, 11:05:43 PM »
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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRACY
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, and then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.

AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows
One of them is a horse
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francois
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« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2013, 01:39:59 AM »
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 Cheesy

Not too far from reality, unfortunately!
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Francois
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« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2013, 01:43:23 AM »
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A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the ECB
The ECB loans you four cows,
You give two back to Germany and France,
you eat the other two,
and the ECB, in order to save face, tells EU member states that Greece is right on schedule, they already payed their debts to France and Germany. Of course, they then collect even more membershipfee from the memberstates, in particular Germany and France.

Luckily, Germany sells a shitload of Porsches and BMWs to China, which subsequently decides to offer underpriced solarpanels as a token of appreciation. Of course, the EU doesn't appreciate free energy, so they decide on provisional duties instead. Obviously, the fact that we gradually run out of oil and Greece is a prime tourist attraction because of its abundant sunny weather would both be completely irrelevant in the deployment of any desperately required new energy regime.

I say, eat the damn cows and get a haircut. Next generation? What next generation?
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Regards,
Oscar Rysdyk
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« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2013, 02:09:46 AM »
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Capitalism. The rich exploit the workers and become richer. The workers continue to struggle.
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Rob C
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« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2013, 03:19:35 AM »
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Capitalism. The rich exploit the workers and become richer. The workers continue to struggle.


Oh stamper, take an aspirin or another scotch!

Are the workers fucking mindless ants? Does their future not lie in their own hands, as with the rest of us?

;-)

Rob C
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stamper
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« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2013, 03:45:04 AM »
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A predictable reaction from you Rob. I had a mental bet with myself that you would be the first to react to my post and as ever you have taken the thread into a personal slant. Take your own advice and hopefully further posts from you will be a more objective one? Sad
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Rob C
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« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2013, 10:02:57 AM »
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A predictable reaction from you Rob. I had a mental bet with myself that you would be the first to react to my post and as ever you have taken the thread into a personal slant. Take your own advice and hopefully further posts from you will be a more objective one? Sad


Well, it's your post with yet another statement of your perennial political obsession, so how else to respond but personally?

On the other hand, perhaps you preferred to be ignored instead?

But I do note that you could offer no alternative... none of your sympathisers ever does or can: there simply isn't one that has ever worked. Look at Mama Russia, Cuba, North Korea, East Germany etc. etc. (not to mention China, Red Clyde; Red Midlands): every single one has had to stagnate and fail until the moment it actually understands that progress can only come from business and commerce and the making of money.

Money is the only common exchange of value or worth that we have and can negotiate.

It's the nature of life, for the species as for the individual: you have to fend for yourself or die.

;-)

Rob C
« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 10:15:24 AM by Rob C » Logged

stamper
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« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2013, 10:16:58 AM »
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Oh stamper, take an aspirin or another scotch!

Are the workers fucking mindless ants? Does their future not lie in their own hands, as with the rest of us?

;-)

Rob C

Make a reply with regards to the topic. In football parlance .... play the ball, not the man.
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stamper
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« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2013, 10:22:26 AM »
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Well, it's your post with yet another statement of your perennial political obsession, so how else to respond but personally?

On the other hand, perhaps you preferred to be ignored instead?

But I do note that you could offer no alternative... none of your sympathisers ever does or can: there simply isn't one that has ever worked. Look at Mama Russia, Cuba, North Korea, East Germany etc. etc. (not to mention China, Red Clyde; Red Midlands): every single one has had to stagnate and fail until the moment it actually understands that progress can only come from business and commerce and the making of money.

Money is the only common exchange of value or worth that we have and can negotiate.

Unquote


All the countries that you worship are bankrupt and teetering on financial collapse with high unemployment rates, threats of revolution and never ending debt. Spain where you live is a basket case financially. China the most successful is a mixed economy and not free market. If it goes that way then it will go the same way as the rest. There must be a better way?

« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 10:24:42 AM by stamper » Logged

BJL
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« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2013, 10:39:36 AM »
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LUMINOUS LANDSCAPE
You have two cows.
They spend all their time goring each other instead of producing milk.
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Slobodan Blagojevic
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When everybody thinks the same... nobody thinks.


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« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2013, 11:19:18 AM »
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Bravo, BJL Grin
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Slobodan

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Slobodan Blagojevic
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« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2013, 11:23:43 AM »
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... All the countries that you worship are bankrupt and teetering on financial collapse with high unemployment rates, threats of revolution and never ending debt. Spain where you live is a basket case financially...

I wonder, Stamper, where would you rather live today: North Korea at al, or the "basket cases" Spain at al?
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Slobodan

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« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2013, 11:27:54 AM »
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Those unable to distinguish reality from theory always would prefer Pyongyang.
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Peter McLennan
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« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2013, 11:40:46 AM »
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Bravo, BJL Grin

X2
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Vladimirovich
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« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2013, 12:27:32 PM »
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Capitalism. The rich exploit the workers and become richer. The workers continue to struggle.
nope... workers get outsourced, what's left instead are office shrimps and mcwaiters - they can't struggle.
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Vladimirovich
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« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2013, 12:44:20 PM »
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Oh stamper, take an aspirin or another scotch!

Are the workers fucking mindless ants? Does their future not lie in their own hands, as with the rest of us?

;-)

Rob C

so why are you not a billionaire yet ?
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ErikKaffehr
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« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2013, 12:54:41 PM »
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Hi,

North Korea is a great place to live, at least according to Kim Il Sung (Kim who sings ill?)

He is still the supreme leader of North Korea: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Il-sung .

Best regards
Erik

I wonder, Stamper, where would you rather live today: North Korea at al, or the "basket cases" Spain at al?
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Rob C
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« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2013, 01:47:17 PM »
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so why are you not a billionaire yet ?



Because I don't have the desire and probably not willing to make the effort. I think it enough for myself to have lived well off my photography, seen much of the world off that photography, own my home and have the 'luxury' of thinking about staying here or moving somewhere else. Without having to ask some friggin' commissar's permission.

And I never imagined the world owed me a living. Never.

How about you?

Rob C
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Rob C
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« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2013, 01:48:13 PM »
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LUMINOUS LANDSCAPE
You have two cows.
They spend all their time goring each other instead of producing milk.



Quite quick!

Rob C
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Rob C
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« Reply #19 on: June 13, 2013, 02:15:03 PM »
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"All the countries that you worship are bankrupt and teetering on financial collapse with high unemployment rates, threats of revolution and never ending debt. Spain where you live is a basket case financially. China the most successful is a mixed economy and not free market. If it goes that way then it will go the same way as the rest. There must be a better way? - stamper"


When you find it, let us mugs know.

Incidentally, which countries do you imagine that I worship?

You left out India - I lived there for several years - they are thriving too, in part. Just like China: in part. Dreams of universal joy are just that: dreams. And the reason? Simply because people are not created equal, which is where the political left concept has its terminal flaw. In every situation there are those who will flourish and those who will not. It's a sad part of being human.

You don't even need to think about it in terms of colours of government: look into any family and you find different levels of ability, succcess and good or bad choices, these from people living under the same roof, open to the same opportunities or lack of them.

You just can't legislate for human nature. You may as well rule that each cow must produce the same volume of milk. (That sounds a good example in this context.)

Anyway we face an uncrossable bridge, which is neither my fault nor yours - let's just accept we are different and that that bridge could never have been trusted in the first place: it would probably have collapsed under us, having been bought offshore.

Incidentally, I was chatting to my son on the 'phone last night; he told me that it's almost impossible to go into Glasgow city-centre these nights looking for a meal and finding one, unless you have booked.

So many somebodies have better than a Macjob; food for thought, Vlad?

Rob C


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